When Caregiving Feels Like Carrying the Weight of Your Past
How Attachment Trauma Fuels Caregiver Burnout + What Healing Can Look Like
I came across a post by Miranda Campbell titled “Breaking the Cycle: How Attachment Trauma Fuels Caregiver Burnout.” Her words resonated so deeply with clients I work with—and the inner tension I see when care turns into collapse.
“For many people — particularly those from BIPOC communities — this struggle often runs deeper than the day-to-day demands of caregiving. It’s rooted in attachment trauma.”
— Miranda Campbell
I’m invited by her insight to broaden the conversation. Because the truth is, many of us are doing “well enough” on the surface, and still unraveling underneath.
Here’s what stood out to me, how I’ve seen it in my work, and how we might begin to heal those unseen patterns.
1. Over-Attunement as a Survival Strategy
Miranda’s insight: When love was conditional (especially in your earliest relationships) you may have learned that attuning to others’ needs was the only way to belong or be safe.
In my work: I see this show up as invisible exhaustion. You anticipate needs before they’re voiced, you override your boundaries for the sake of peace, and you carry emotional labor like oxygen.
What can begin to shift: Practice “listening to your body first” before leaping into others’ crises. A simple boundary: “I need a minute,” “Let me check in with myself,” can be permission to interrupt the cycle. Over time, your nervous system learns that it doesn’t have to always brace.
2. Boundary-Dissonance & Guilt
Miranda’s insight: Many caregivers feel trapped in the paradox of wanting to care + needing space. Saying “no” triggers guilt, shame, or fear of abandonment.
In my work: I’ve watched clients hold themselves hostage to that guilt—still showing up beyond capacity, still collapsing afterward, still resenting that they don’t feel safe saying no.
How to begin putting words around it: Frame boundaries as not “I don’t care” but “I need care.” Boundaries aren’t walls—they are invitations to reciprocity. No guilt. No overapology. No trying to earn peace.
3. Healing Doesn’t Mean Erasing the Past
Miranda’s insight: The past doesn’t need to be forgotten to heal, but it needs to be reframed and integrated.
In my work: I hold with clients that trauma is part of their story—not the finale. Healing means meeting that story with kindness, not erasing it. It means reworking what safety, trust, and family meant for you.
How we practice this: Somatic rewiring, EMDR intensives, movement that relearns what safety feels like in your body, conscionable pacing so the healing lands in your day-to-day.
Reflection Prompts You Can Try
Where in your caregiving life do you feel you are secretly over-extending?
Notice the tension in your body when someone asks something from you. What part tightens first?
What boundary you’ve avoided would feel revolutionary to state—quietly, gently, you?
Could This Work Be Right for You?
If this resonates—as in, you feel it in nervous system tension, in the “just make it easier” narrative, in the hesitation before rest—then yes. This work might be for you.
It doesn’t require you to hit a crisis. It doesn’t need your “permission” to begin. All that’s needed is a willingness to feel what you’ve ignored, learn to meet your edges, and start showing up for you first.
Want to Explore Together?
If you’d like to explore how attachment trauma might be shaping your caregiving, boundaries, or burnout—let’s talk. I offer free consults to see whether EMDR intensives, somatic work, or ongoing therapy might suit where you are now.
